Learning to Introspect

As times have changed, so has parenting. Unlike mothers of yesteryears who were preoccupied with catering to large families and a never ending series of house-hold tasks, mothers in modern times have clear cut priorities.

Raising a ‘perfect’ child seems to be the unspoken ambition for them. Mothers of toddlers are seen in a frenzy of buying picture books, educational CDs and toys. Mothers of five to eight year olds hunt desperately for the ideal activity class to bring out their child’s hidden talent. The more the child grows, the more parents become excited and anxious to go that extra mile to bring him/her up perfectly. What the child needs is often asked but seldom understood.

At the same time parents are anxious to instil the right values in their child. The child is made to learn the 'good behaviour' norms almost as quickly as he/she is encouraged to learn the multiplication tables! The rigour with which this is enforced can make a Marshal proud.

Inspire believes that along with exhibiting these aspirations and expectations for the child, parents must consider giving the child the ‘space’ he/she deserves. This space eventually helps to accentuate emotional and intellectual growth in the child.

Here we would like to share Arun’s story with you.

Arun shared a special relationship with his mother. Every morning she would drop him to school in their Maruti 800. For some years the arrangement went on well. As Arun entered teenage he developed a sense of self-consciousness. He began to compare their Maruti 800 to all the big and fancy cars that streamed in to the school entrance each morning. One day, he casually told his mother, “You don’t have to drive all the way in mother. You can park the car a little before the main entrance and I can comfortably walk to school from there.”

What do you think the mother did?

She could have indulged in morality talk and lectured the boy on being content with what they had. She could advise him to stop comparing and look at himself with dignity. She could even go ahead to prove that owning a Maruti 800 did not in any way make her or her son inferior.

Arun’s mother, however, did none of this. Instead, she did exactly as her son had asked her to do. In doing so she honoured the state of mind her son was in. She gave him the space he needed to think and realise his feelings. Although she wanted her son to be happy and proud of what he was, she drew a line and did not rub her own values and thoughts on to him.

Six months later, Arun brought up the topic again. This time he said, “I am fine with it mother, you can drop me right in. I think it is just fine.” His mother smiled with pride and warmth. She knew her son had come around.

During the six months that her child went through a confusion of identity, she resisted the temptation more than once to ‘help out’. She chose to give him the space and independence to develop his own sense of self.

The question that arises here is, - 'Will a child always make the right decision? Will a firm value system evolve if children are always allowed their space and freedom?'

If the focus shifts away from trying to raise a perfect child, this is definitely achievable. We will need to trust our children and give them the opportunity to figure things out for themselves.

As one of the first steps in building a sense of self worth in children, we do not have to immerse the six year old in days packed with back-to-back activity schedules. He/She should be able to appreciate learning things instead of running against time to complete his/her karate- skating-swimming-drawing- dancing routine. The value of learning increases manifold when the child understands that he/she does not need to do all of this, but he/she may like to do some of them.

Similarly the child should find it natural to make a few minor mistakes or errors of judgement without bringing forth a strong reaction from the parents. These mistakes will help him/her explore choices, experiment, and eventually pick the right one.

* Inspire does not claim copyright of this image

Nothing in the world can work better than this to boost the child’s self-worth and confidence.

Bring on the Reading!

Eleven year old Sabina loves to read. Even at the breakfast table she has a book propped open in one hand. Sanjit’s mother makes it a point to buy books for him regularly, but he rarely gets beyond the first few pages of a book.

As educationists, we have thought for a good reason to this phenomenon - why some children read and others don’t? We find that in an average class, perhaps 10 out of 30 children read habitually, while the rest seem to shy away from books. They are all taught in the same classroom, exposed to the same texts and teachers. So what could possibly cause some to befriend books while their classmates show no such inclination?

The reason we found is quite simple.

Children in classrooms have varying levels of ability and interest in Language. Just like their performance in school, their extracurricular reading is also influenced by this. Thus some children develop an interest in the literature prescribed at school, and also like reading similar books outside school. The majority, on the other hand just about complete their prescribed readings at school.

To make all children read with interest, we need to answer - what are the books that most of them would find appealing?

Everything in our children’s lives has gone through dynamic changes over time. Supplementary reading lists remain the same as they were thirty years ago. We cannot expect modern children to naturally relate to texts from a bygone era. The language of the books, the flavour of the characters, the settings and contexts are very different from what they are familiar with. Contemporary languages, particularly English have evolved so much over the years that it is hard to understand the language of a book written hundred years ago. Most of the books are presented with limited or no illustrations making them even less attractive.

In earlier times, children loved to hear or read stories of fairies and dwarves and princesses. A few decades ago Enid Blyton was the reigning author for children. She created a world of boarding schools, full of adventure and pranks. Children from today’s age of technology find it difficult to relate to the adventures of the Famous Five and the Secret Seven. It was for this reason that Harry Potter became a global hit. The series came at a time when writing for children was going through a lull, and reintroduced children to the world of magic and fairies; only this time the context was modern. A world of Playstations and computers. Harry Potter gave children the gift of imagination without taking them back in time.

Comic books also hold a special place in the hearts of children. They are attractive and do not contain too much text, thus engaging even struggling readers. The graphics help children better visualise the story. While this is not to say that all comics are good, they can certainly be used to gradually build children’s interest in books and help them enter the fascinating world of literature.

So why aren’t these alternative reading materials referred to at school? Why do we leave it to the children to bump into these by accident, that too beyond the purview of scholastic activities? After all, the purpose of introducing children to literature at school is to ensure that they read. Why can we not tell them about Tintin and Potter at school? Why can we not get them to discover Nancy Drew and Wimpy Kid in school? These texts do classify as popular literature. They use decent language and manage to hook the children’s interest. They encourage children to use their minds and give wings to their imagination.

Why then, can they not be part of school reading? That is a question to ponder upon.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

In today’s world, where children have multiple sources of information, parents feel the need to be the primary communication source for their children. Parents are seen often adopting a rather protective stance, not wishing to tell children about the bad that balances the good in the world. It is useful to think if children should be shielded from everything bad or ugly or made aware of them, perhaps in moderate measures - so that they gradually develop the skill of dealing with such things on their own.

We recount an event which exemplifies this - from Dussehra, a well-known festival in India celebrating the triumph of good over evil.

During a particular Dussehra, one preschool designed the following play to help children realise how it is important to identify one’s mistakes, be apologetic for them, and learn from them.


Scene 1
Children having fun - drawing, playing, talking in a classroom. Suddenly, Raavan enters the scene. He has only one head.

Child 1: “Hello! Who are you?”

Raavan (sadly): “I am Raavan, and I am very sad.”

Child 2: “Why are you sad? And if you are Raavan, where are your other heads?”

Raavan: “That is why I am sad! I have lost the rest of my heads! Dussehra is just around the corner. If I don’t find my heads, what will people do for Dussehra?!”

Child 3: “You want to find your heads, so that people can punish you? Why don't you hide or run away?”

Raavan: “I made a mistake by taking Sita away. So I have to make up for my mistake and say sorry for what I did.”

Child 4: “Oh it is okay if you’re sorry! Our teacher said the most important thing is to be sorry if you have made a mistake! You’re sorry Raavan. So we will help you!”

Raavan: “Thank you children! I will be so happy if you find my heads!”

All Children: “Don’t worry Raavan, we will find them!”

Scene 2
Raavan leaves.

Child 1: “We promised Raavan that we will find his heads. How do we do that? We don’t even know where to start looking!”

Child 2: “It is okay! I know what we can do! Do you remember our last Art and Craft class?”

Child 3: “Where we learnt to make things with papier-mâché?”

Child 4: “Yes! We will make Raavan’s heads with papier-mâché!”

All Children: “Wow! That is a great idea!”


Scene 3
Children at work making heads from papier-mâché.
Raavan enters in a while.

Raavan: “Did you find my heads, children?”

Child 1: “No, but we did something better. We made you new heads from papier-mâché! Look at them..so colourful!”

Raavan: “They are such lovely heads! Now Dussehra should be fun! You saved Dussehra, my dear children. For that reason, I will tell you something important. I was a rich, just and intelligent king. But I became proud and made a mistake. So I was punished. Always remember to say sorry if you make a mistake. I did that - and you all helped me today.”

All Children: “We will always remember this lesson Raavan!”

Raavan: “Bye children! See you on Dussehra!”

Through this simple play, the children were exposed to an example of bad in the world. They also learnt an important lesson – about saying sorry.
If children are not acquainted with the negative influencers and unpleasant aspects of life, they may remain incapable of dealing with them and making informed decisions in their future lives.